《5 midnight sun午夜阳光》第59章

t　this　one　She　was　quiet　as　I　struggled　to　control　myself。　I　listened　to　her　heartbeat。　The　rhythm　was　irregular；　but　it　slowed　as　the　time　passed　until　it　was　steady　again。　Her　breathing；　too；　was　low　and　even。　I　was　too　close　to　the　edge。　Would　I　kill　him；　then？　I　needed　to　get　her　home　before　Would　I　bee　a　murderer　again　when　she　trusted　me？　Was　there　any　way　to　stop　myself？　She　d　promised　to　tell　me　her　latest　theory　when　we　were　alone。　Did　I　want　to　hear　it？　I　was　anxious　for　it；　but　would　the　reward　for　my　curiosity　be　worse　than　not　knowing？　At　any　rate；　she　must　have　had　enough　truth　for　one　night。　I　looked　at　her　again；　and　her　face　was　paler　than　before；　but　posed。　Are　you　ready　to　go　home？　I　asked。　I　m　ready　to　leave；　she　said；　choosing　her　words　carefully；　as　if　a　simple　yes　did　not　fully　express　what　she　wanted　to　say。　Frustrating。　The　waitress　returned。　She　d　heard　Bella　s　last　statement　as　she　d　dithered　on　the　other　side　of　the　partition；　wondering　what　more　she　could　offer　me。　I　wanted　to　roll　my　eyes　at　some　of　the　offerings　she　d　had　in　mind。　How　are　we　doing？　she　asked　me。　We　re　ready　for　the　check；　thank　you；　I　told　her；　my　eyes　on　Bella。　The　waitress　s　breathing　spiked　and　she　was　momentarily　to　use　Bella　s　phrasing　dazzled　by　my　voice。　In　a　sudden　moment　of　perception；　hearing　the　way　my　voice　sounded　in　this　inconsequential　human　s　head；　I　realized　why　I　seemed　to　be　attracting　so　much　admiration　tonight　unmarred　by　the　usual　fear。　It　was　because　of　Bella。　Trying　so　hard　to　be　safe　for　her；　to　be　less　frightening；　to　be　human；　I　truly　had　lost　my　edge。　The　other　humans　saw　only　beauty　now；　with　my　innate　horror　so　carefully　under　control。　I　looked　up　at　the　waitress；　waiting　for　her　to　recover　herself。　It　was　sort　of
humorous；　now　that　I　understood　the　reason。　Sure；　she　stuttered。　Here　you　go。　She　handed　me　the　folder　with　the　bill；　thinking　of　the　card　she　d　slid　in　behind　the　receipt。　A　card　with　her　name　and　telephone　number　on　it。　Yes；　it　was　rather　funny。　I　had　money　ready　again。　I　gave　the　folder　back　at　once；　so　she　wouldn　t　waste　any　time　waiting　for　a　call　that　would　never　e。　No　change；　I　told　her；　hoping　the　size　of　the　tip　would　assuage　her　disappointment。　I　stood；　and　Bella　quickly　followed　suit。　I　wanted　to　offer　her　my　hand；　but　I　thought　that　might　be　pushing　my　luck　a　little　too　far　for　one　night。　I　thanked　the　waitress；　my　eyes　never　leaving　Bella　s　face。　Bella　seemed　to　be　finding　something　amusing；　too。　We　walked　out；　I　walked　as　close　beside　her　as　I　dared。　Close　enough　that　the　warmth　ing　off　her　body　was　like　a　physical　touch　against　the　left　side　of　my　body。　As　I　held　the　door　for　her；　she　sighed　quietly；　and　I　wondered　what　regret　made　her　sad。　I　stared　into　her　eyes；　about　to　ask；　when　she　suddenly　looked　at　the　ground；　seeming　embarrassed。　It　made　me　more　curious；　even　as　it　made　me　reluctant　to　ask。　The　silence　between　us　continued　while　I　opened　her　door　for　her　and　then　got　into　the　car。　I　turned　the　heater　on　the　warmer　weather　had　e　to　an　abrupt　end；　the　cold　car　must　be　unfortable　for　her。　She　huddled　in　my　jacket；　a　small　smile　on　her　lips。　I　waited；　postponing　conversation　until　the　lights　of　the　boardwalk　faded。　It　made　me　feel　more　alone　with　her。　Was　that　the　right　thing？　Now　that　I　was　focused　only　on　her；　the　car　seemed　very　small。　Her　scent　swirled　through　it　with　the　current　of　the　heater；　building　and　strengthening。　It　grew　into　its　own　force；　like　another　entity　in　the　car。　A　presence　that　demanded　recognition。　It　had　that；　I　burned。　The　burning　was　acceptable；　though。　It　seemed　strangely　appropriate　to　me。　I　had　been　given　so　much　tonight　more　than　I　d　expected。　And　here　she　was；　still　willingly　at　my　side。　I　owed　something　in　return　for　that。　A　sacrifice。　A　burnt　offering。　Now　if　I　could　just　keep　it　to　that；　just　burn；　and　nothing　more。　But　the　venom　filled　my　mouth；　and　my　muscles　tensed　in　anticipation；　as　if　I　were　hunting　I　had　to　keep　such　thoughts　from　my　mind。　And　I　knew　what　would　distract　me。　Now；　I　said　to　her；　fear　of　her　response　taking　the　edge　off　the　burn。　It　s　your　turn。
9。　Theory　Can　I　ask　just　one　more？　she　entreated　instead　of　answering　my　demand。　I　was　on　edge；　anxious　for　the　worst。　And　yet；　how　tempting　it　was　to　prolong　this　moment。　To　have　Bella　with　me；　willingly；　for　just　a　few　seconds　longer。　sighed　at　the　dilemma；　and　then　said；　One。　Well　；　she　hesitated　for　a　moment；　as　if　deciding　which　question　to　voice。　You　said　you　knew　I　hadn　t　gone　into　the　bookstore；　and　that　I　had　gone　south。　was　just　wondering　how　you　know　that。　I　glared　out　the　windshield。　Here　was　another　question　that　revealed　nothing　on　her　part；　and　too　much　on　mine。　I　thought　we　were　past　all　the　evasiveness；　she　said；　her　tone　critical　and　disappointed。　How　ironic。　She　was　relentlessly　evasive；　without　even　trying。　And　this　conversation　wasn　t　going　anywhere　I　I　Well；　she　wanted　me　to　be　direct。　good；　regardless。　Fine；　then；　I　said。　I　followed　your　scent。　I　wanted　to　watch　her　face；　but　I　was　afraid　of　what　I　would　see。　Instead；　I　listened　to　her　breath　accelerate　and　then　stabilize。　She　spoke　again　after　a　moment；　and　her　voice　was　steadier　than　I　would　have　expected。　And　then　you　didn　t　answer　one　of　my　first　questions　she　said。　I　looked　down　at　her；　frowning。　Which　one？　She　was　stalling；　too。
How　does　it　work　the　mind　reading　thing？　she　asked；　reiterating　her　question　from　the　restaurant。　Can　you　read　anybody　s　mind；　anywhere？　How　do　you　do　it？　Can　the　rest　of　your　family　？　She　trailed　off；　flushing　again。　That　s　more　than　one；　I　said。　She　just　looked　at　me；　waiting　for　her　answers。　And　why　not　tell　her？　She　d　already　guessed　most　of　this；　and　it　was　an　easier　subject　that　the　one　that　loomed。　No；　it　s　just　me。　And　I　can　t　hear　anyone；　anywhere。　I　have　to　be　fairly　close。　The　more　familiar　someone　s　voice　is；　the　farther　away　I　can　hear　them。　But　still；　no　more　than　a　few　miles。　I　tried　to　think　of　a　way　to　describe　it　so　that　she　would　understand。　An　analogy　that　she　could　relate　to。　It　s　a　little　like　being　in　a　huge　hall　filled　with　people；　everyone　talking　at　once。　It　s　just　a　hum　a　buzzing　of　voices　in　the　background。　Until　I　focus　on　one　voice