《5 midnight sun午夜阳光》第58章

d　you　to　Port　Angeles；　I　told　her；　the　words　spilling　out　too　quickly　for　me　to　edit　them。　I　knew　the　danger　of　the　truth；　the　risk　I　was　taking。　At　any　moment；　her　unnatural　calm　could　shatter　into　hysterics。　Contrarily；　knowing　this　only　had　me　talking　faster。　I　ve　never　tried　to　keep　a　specific　person　alive　before　and　it　s　much　more　troublesome　than　I　would　have　believed。　But　that　s　probably　just　because　it　s　you。　Ordinary　people　seem　to　make　it　through　the　day　without　so　many　catastrophes。　I　watched　her；　waiting。　She　smiled。　Her　lips　curved　up　at　the　edges；　and　her　chocolate　eyes　warmed。　I　d　just　admitted　to　stalking　her；　and　she　was　smiling。　Did　you　ever　think　that　maybe　my　number　was　up　that　first　time；　with　the　van；　and　that　you　ve　been　interfering　with　fate？　she　asked。　That　wasn　t　the　first　time；　I　said；　staring　down　at　the　dark　maroon　table　cloth；　my　shoulders　bowed　in　shame。　My　barriers　were　down；　the　truth　still　spilling　free　recklessly。　Your　number　was　up　the　first　time　I　met　you。　It　was　true；　and　it　angered　me。　I　had　been　positioned　over　her　life　like　the　blade　of　a　guillotine。　It　was　as　if　she　had　been　marked　for　death　by　some　cruel；　unjust　fate；　and　since　I　d　proved　an　unwilling　tool　that　same　fate　continued　to　try　to　execute　her。　I　imagined　the　fate　personified　a　grisly；　jealous　hag；　a　vengeful　harpy。　I　wanted　something；　someone；　to　be　responsible　for　this　so　that　I　would　have　something　concrete　to　fight　against。　Something；　anything　to　destroy；　so　that　Bella　could　be　safe。　Bella　was　very　quiet；　her　breathing　had　accelerated。　I　looked　up　at　her；　knowing　I　would　finally　see　the　fear　I　was　waiting　for。　Had　I　not　just　admitted　how　close　I　d　been　to　killing　her？　Closer　than　the　van　that　had　e　within　slim　inches　of　crushing　her。　And　yet；　her　face　was　still　calm；　her　eyes　still　tightened　only　with　concern。　You　remember？　She　had　to　remember　that。　Her　deep　eyes　were　full　of　awareness。　Yes；　she　said；　her　voice　level　and　grave。　She　knew。　She　knew　that　I　had　wanted　to　murder　her。　Where　were　the　screams？　And　yet　here　you　sit；　I　said；　pointing　out　the　inherent　contradiction。　Yes；　here　I　sit　because　of　you。　Her　expression　altered；　turned　curious；　as　she　unsubtly　changed　the　subject。　Because　somehow　you　knew　how　to　find　me　today　？　Hopelessly；　I　pushed　one　more　time　at　the　barrier　that　protected　her　thoughts；　desperate　to　understand。　It　made　no　logical　sense　to　me。　How　could　she　even　care　about　the　rest　with　that　glaring　truth　on　the　table？
She　waited；　only　curious。　Her　skin　was　pale；　which　was　natural　for　her；　but　it　still　concerned　me。　Her　dinner　sat　nearly　untouched　in　front　of　her。　If　I　continued　to　tell　her　too　much；　she　was　going　to　need　a　buffer　when　the　shock　wore　off。　I　named　my　terms。　You　eat；　I　ll　talk。　She　processed　that　for　half　a　second；　and　then　threw　a　bite　in　her　mouth　with　a　speed　that　belied　her　calm。　She　was　more　anxious　for　my　answer　than　her　eyes　let　on。　It　s　harder　than　it　should　be　keeping　track　of　you；　I　told　her。　find　someone　very　easily；　once　I　ve　heard　their　mind　before。　I　watched　her　face　carefully　as　I　said　this。　it　confirmed　was　another。　Usually　I　can　Guessing　right　was　one　thing；　having　She　was　motionless；　her　eyes　wide。　I　felt　my　teeth　clench　together　as　I　waited　for　her　panic。　But　she　just　blinked　once；　swallowed　loudly；　and　then　quickly　scooped　another　bite　into　her　mouth。　She　wanted　me　to　continue。　I　was　keeping　tabs　on　Jessica；　I　went　on；　watching　each　word　as　it　sank　in。　Not　carefully　like　I　said；　only　you　could　find　trouble　in　Port　Angeles　I　couldn　t　resist　adding　that。　Did　she　realize　that　other　human　lives　were　not　so　plagued　with　near　death　experiences；　or　did　she　think　she　was　normal？　She　was　the　furthest　thing　from　normal　I　d　ever　encountered。　And　at　first　I　didn　t　notice　when　you　took　off　on　your　own。　Then；　when　I　realized　that　you　weren　t　with　her　anymore；　I　went　looking　for　you　at　the　bookstore　I　saw　in　her　head。　I　could　tell　that　you　hadn　t　gone　in；　and　that　you　d　gone　south　and　I　knew　you　would　have　to　turn　around　soon。　So　I　was　just　waiting　for　you；　randomly　searching　through　the　thoughts　of　people　on　the　street　to　see　if　anyone　had　noticed　you　so　I　would　know　where　you　were。　I　had　no　reason　to　be　worried　but　I　was　strangely　anxious　My　breath　came　faster　as　I　remembered　that　feeling　of　panic。　Her　scent　blazed　in　my　throat　and　I　was　glad。　It　was　a　pain　that　meant　she　was　alive。　As　long　as　I　burned；　she　was　safe。　I　started　to　drive　in　circles；　still　listening。　I　hoped　the　word　made　sense　to　her。　This　had　to　be　confusing。　The　sun　was　finally　setting；　and　I　was　about　to　get　out；　and　follow　you　on　foot。　And　then　As　the　memory　took　me　perfectly　clear　and　as　vivid　as　if　I　was　in　the　moment　again　I　felt　the　same　murderous　fury　wash　through　my　body；　locking　it　into　ice。　I　wanted　him　dead。　I　needed　him　dead。　My　jaw　clenched　tight　as　I　concentrated　on　holding　myself　here　at　the　table。　Bella　still　needed　me。　That　was　what　mattered。　Then　what？　she　whispered；　her　dark　eyes　wide。　I　heard　what　they　were　thinking；　I　said　through　my　teeth；　unable　to　keep　the　words　from　ing　out　in　a　growl。　I　saw　your　face　in　his　mind。　I　could　hardly　resist　the　urge　to　kill。　I　still　knew　precisely　where　to　find　him。　His　black　thoughts　sucked　at　the　night　sky；　pulling　me　toward　them　I　covered　my　face；　knowing　my　expression　was　that　of　a　monster；　a　hunter；　a　killer。　I　fixed　her　image　behind　my　closed　eyes　to　control　myself；　focusing　only　on　her　face。　The　delicate　framework　of　her　bones；　the　thin　sheath　of　her　pale　skin　like　silk
stretched　over　glass；　incredibly　soft　and　easy　to　shatter。　She　was　too　vulnerable　for　this　world。　She　needed　a　protector。　And；　through　some　twisted　mismanagement　of　destiny；　I　was　the　closest　thing　available。　I　tried　to　explain　my　violent　reaction　so　that　she　would　understand。　It　was　very　hard　you　can　t　imagine　how　hard　for　me　to　simply　take　you　away；　and　leave　them　alive；　I　whispered。　I　could　have　let　you　go　with　Jessica　and　Angela；　but　I　was　afraid　if　you　left　me　alone；　I　would　go　looking　for　them。　For　the　second　time　tonight；　I　confessed　to　an　intended　murder。　was　defensible。　At　least　this　one　She　was　quiet　as　I　struggled　to　control　myself。　I　listened　to　her　heartbeat。　The　rhythm　w