《夜与日》第9章

closed　them　again。　Then　she　said；　very　tentatively：　
“Aren’t　you　happy；　Ralph？”　
“No。　Are　you？　Perhaps　I’m　as　happy　as　most　people；　
though。　God　knows　whether　I’m　happy　or　not。　What　is　
happiness？”　
23　
Night　and　Day　
He　glanced　with　half　a　smile；　in　spite　of　his　gloomy　
irritation；　at　his　sister。　She　looked；　as　usual；　as　if　she　
were　weighing　one　thing　with　another；　and　balancing　
them　together　before　she　made　up　her　mind。　
“Happiness；”　she　remarked　at　length　enigmatically；　
rather　as　if　she　were　sampling　the　word；　and　then　she　
paused。　She　paused　for　a　considerable　space；　as　if　she　
were　considering　happiness　in　all　its　bearings。　“Hilda　was　
here　today；”　she　suddenly　resumed；　as　if　they　had　never　
mentioned　happiness。　“She　brought　Bobbie—he’s　a　fine　
boy　now。”　Ralph　observed；　with　an　amusement　that　had　
a　tinge　of　irony　in　it；　that　she　was　now　going　to　sidle　
away　quickly　from　this　dangerous　approach　to　intimacy　
on　to　topics　of　general　and　family　interest。　Nevertheless；　
he　reflected；　she　was　the　only　one　of　his　family　with　
whom　he　found　it　possible　to　discuss　happiness；　although　
he　might　very　well　have　discussed　happiness　with　Miss　
Hilbery　at　their　first　meeting。　He　looked　critically　at　Joan；　
and　wished　that　she　did　not　look　so　provincial　or　suburban　
in　her　high　green　dress　with　the　faded　trimming；　so　
patient；　and　almost　resigned。　He　began　to　wish　to　tell　
her　about　the　Hilberys　in　order　to　abuse　them；　for　in　the　
miniature　battle　which　so　often　rages　between　two　quickly　
following　impressions　of　life；　the　life　of　the　Hilberys　was　
getting　the　better　of　the　life　of　the　Denhams　in　his　mind；　
and　he　wanted　to　assure　himself　that　there　was　some　
quality　in　which　Joan　infinitely　surpassed　Miss　Hilbery。　
He　should　have　felt　that　his　own　sister　was　more　original；　
and　had　greater　vitality　than　Miss　Hilbery　had；　but　
his　main　impression　of　Katharine　now　was　of　a　person　of　
great　vitality　and　posure；　and　at　the　moment　he　could　
not　perceive　what　poor　dear　Joan　had　gained　from　the　
fact　that　she　was　the　granddaughter　of　a　man　who　kept　a　
shop；　and　herself　earned　her　own　living。　The　infinite　
dreariness　and　sordidness　of　their　life　oppressed　him　in　
spite　of　his　fundamental　belief　that；　as　a　family；　they　
were　somehow　remarkable。　
“Shall　you　talk　to　mother？”　Joan　inquired。　“Because；　
you　see；　the　thing’s　got　to　be　settled；　one　way　or　another。　
Charles　must　write　to　Uncle　John　if　he’s　going　
there。”　
Ralph　sighed　impatiently。　
24　
Virginia　Woolf　
“I　suppose　it　doesn’t　much　matter　either　way；”　he　exclaimed。　
“He’s　doomed　to　misery　in　the　long　run。”　
A　slight　flush　came　into　Joan’s　cheek。　
“You　know　you’re　talking　nonsense；”　she　said。　“It　doesn’t　
hurt　any　one　to　have　to　earn　their　own　living。　I’m　very　
glad　I　have　to　earn　mine。”　
Ralph　was　pleased　that　she　should　feel　this；　and　wished　
her　to　continue；　but　he　went　on；　perversely　enough。　
“Isn’t　that　only　because　you’ve　forgotten　how　to　enjoy　
yourself？　You　never　have　time　for　anything　decent—”　
“As　for　instance？”　
“Well；　going　for　walks；　or　music；　or　books；　or　seeing　
interesting　people。　You　never　do　anything　that’s　really　
worth　doing　any　more　than　I　do。”　
“I　always　think　you　could　make　this　room　much　nicer；　if　
you　liked；”　she　observed。　
“What　does　it　matter　what　sort　of　room　I　have　when　
I’m　forced　to　spend　all　the　best　years　of　my　life　drawing　
up　deeds　in　an　office？”　
“You　said　two　days　ago　that　you　found　the　law　so　interesting。”　
“So　it　is　if　one　could　afford　to　know　anything　about　it。”　
（“That’s　Herbert　only　just　going　to　bed　now；”　Joan　interposed；　
as　a　door　on　the　landing　slammed　vigorously。　
“And　then　he　won’t　get　up　in　the　morning。”）　
Ralph　looked　at　the　ceiling；　and　shut　his　lips　closely　
together。　Why；　he　wondered；　could　Joan　never　for　one　
moment　detach　her　mind　from　the　details　of　domestic　
life？　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　getting　more　and　
more　enmeshed　in　them；　and　capable　of　shorter　and　less　
frequent　flights　into　the　outer　world；　and　yet　she　was　
only　thirtythree。　
“D’you　ever　pay　calls　now？”　he　asked　abruptly。　
“I　don’t　often　have　the　time。　Why　do　you　ask？”　
“It　might　be　a　good　thing；　to　get　to　know　new　people；　
that’s　all。”　
“Poor　Ralph！”　said　Joan　suddenly；　with　a　smile。　“You　
think　your　sister’s　getting　very　old　and　very　dull—that’s　
it；　isn’t　it？”　
“I　don’t　think　anything　of　the　kind；”　he　said　stoutly；　
but　he　flushed。　“But　you　lead　a　dog’s　life；　Joan。　When　
you’re　not　working　in　an　office；　you’re　worrying　over　the　
25　
Night　and　Day　
rest　of　us。　And　I’m　not　much　good　to　you；　I’m　afraid。”　
Joan　rose；　and　stood　for　a　moment　warming　her　hands；　
and；　apparently；　meditating　as　to　whether　she　should　say　
anything　more　or　not。　A　feeling　of　great　intimacy　united　
the　brother　and　sister；　and　the　semicircular　lines　above　
their　eyebrows　disappeared。　No；　there　was　nothing　more　
to　be　said　on　either　side。　Joan　brushed　her　brother’s　head　
with　her　hand　as　she　passed　him；　murmured　good　night；　
and　left　the　room。　For　some　minutes　after　she　had　gone　
Ralph　lay　quiescent；　resting　his　head　on　his　hand；　but　
gradually　his　eyes　filled　with　thought；　and　the　line　reappeared　
on　his　brow；　as　the　pleasant　impression　of　panionship　
and　ancient　sympathy　waned；　and　he　was　left　
to　think　on　alone。　
After　a　time　he　opened　his　book；　and　read　on　steadily；　
glancing　once　or　twice　at　his　watch；　as　if　he　had　set　
himself　a　task　to　be　acplished　in　a　certain　measure　of　
time。　Now　and　then　he　heard　voices　in　the　house；　and　the　
closing　of　bedroom　doors；　which　showed　that　the　building；　
at　the　top　of　which　he　sat；　was　inhabited　in　every　
one　of　its　cells。　When　midnight　struck；　Ralph　shut　his　
book；　and　with　a　candle　in　his　hand；　descended　to　the　
ground　floor；　to　ascertain　that　all　lights　were　extinct　and　
all　doors　locked。　It　was　a　threadbare；　wellworn　house　
that　he　thus　examined；　as　if　the　inmates　had　grazed　down　
all　luxuriance　and　plenty　to　the　verge　of　decency；　and　in　
the　night；　bereft　of　lif