《夜与日》第6章

upon　the　pavement；　and　the　glimpse　which　halfdrawn　
15　
Night　and　Day　
curtains　offered　him　of　kitchens；　diningrooms；　and　draw
ingrooms；　illustrating　with　mute　power　different　scenes　
from　different　lives；　his　own　experience　lost　its　sharpness。　
His　own　experience　underwent　a　curious　change。　His　
speed　slackened；　his　head　sank　a　little　towards　his　breast；　
and　the　lamplight　shone　now　and　again　upon　a　face　grown　
strangely　tranquil。　His　thought　was　so　absorbing　that　
when　it　became　necessary　to　verify　the　name　of　a　street；　
he　looked　at　it　for　a　time　before　he　read　it；　when　he　came　
to　a　crossing；　he　seemed　to　have　to　reassure　himself　by　
two　or　three　taps；　such　as　a　blind　man　gives；　upon　the　
curb；　and；　reaching　the　Underground　station；　he　blinked　
in　the　bright　circle　of　light；　glanced　at　his　watch；　decided　
that　he　might　still　indulge　himself　in　darkness；　and　
walked　straight　on。　
And　yet　the　thought　was　the　thought　with　which　he　
had　started。　He　was　still　thinking　about　the　people　in　the　
house　which　he　had　left；　but　instead　of　remembering；　
with　whatever　accuracy　he　could；　their　looks　and　sayings；　
he　had　consciously　taken　leave　of　the　literal　truth。　
A　turn　of　the　street；　a　firelit　room；　something　monumen
tal　in　the　procession　of　the　lampposts；　who　shall　say　
what　accident　of　light　or　shape　had　suddenly　changed　
the　prospect　within　his　mind；　and　led　him　to　murmur　
aloud：　
“She’ll　do…　。　Yes；　Katharine　Hilbery’ll　do…　。　I’ll　take　
Katharine　Hilbery。”　
As　soon　as　he　had　said　this；　his　pace　slackened；　his　
head　fell；　his　eyes　became　fixed。　The　desire　to　justify　
himself；　which　had　been　so　urgent；　ceased　to　torment　
him；　and；　as　if　released　from　constraint；　so　that　they　
worked　without　friction　or　bidding；　his　faculties　leapt　
forward　and　fixed；　as　a　matter　of　course；　upon　the　form　
of　Katharine　Hilbery。　It　was　marvellous　how　much　they　
found　to　feed　upon；　considering　the　destructive　nature　
of　Denham’s　criticism　in　her　presence。　The　charm；　which　
he　had　tried　to　disown；　when　under　the　effect　of　it；　the　
beauty；　the　character；　the　aloofness；　which　he　had　been　
determined　not　to　feel；　now　possessed　him　wholly；　and　
when；　as　happened　by　the　nature　of　things；　he　had　exhausted　
his　memory；　he　went　on　with　his　imagination。　
He　was　conscious　of　what　he　was　about；　for　in　thus　dwell
16　
Virginia　Woolf　
ing　upon　Miss　Hilbery’s　qualities；　he　showed　a　kind　of　
method；　as　if　he　required　this　vision　of　her　for　a　particular　
purpose。　He　increased　her　height；　he　darkened　her　
hair；　but　physically　there　was　not　much　to　change　in　her。　
His　most　daring　liberty　was　taken　with　her　mind；　which；　
for　reasons　of　his　own；　he　desired　to　be　exalted　and　infallible；　
and　of　such　independence　that　it　was　only　in　the　
case　of　Ralph　Denham　that　it　swerved　from　its　high；　swift　
flight；　but　where　he　was　concerned；　though　fastidious　at　
first；　she　finally　swooped　from　her　eminence　to　crown　
him　with　her　approval。　These　delicious　details；　however；　
were　to　be　worked　out　in　all　their　ramifications　at　his　
leisure；　the　main　point　was　that　Katharine　Hilbery　would　
do；　she　would　do　for　weeks；　perhaps　for　months。　In　taking　
her　he　had　provided　himself　with　something　the　lack　
of　which　had　left　a　bare　place　in　his　mind　for　a　considerable　
time。　He　gave　a　sigh　of　satisfaction；　his　consciousness　
of　his　actual　position　somewhere　in　the　neighborhood　
of　Knightsbridge　returned　to　him；　and　he　was　soon　
speeding　in　the　train　towards　Highgate。　
Although　thus　supported　by　the　knowledge　of　his　new　
possession　of　considerable　value；　he　was　not　proof　against　
the　familiar　thoughts　which　the　suburban　streets　and　the　
damp　shrubs　growing　in　front　gardens　and　the　absurd　
names　painted　in　white　upon　the　gates　of　those　gardens　
suggested　to　him。　His　walk　was　uphill；　and　his　mind　dwelt　
gloomily　upon　the　house　which　he　approached；　where　he　
would　find　six　or　seven　brothers　and　sisters；　a　widowed　
mother；　and；　probably；　some　aunt　or　uncle　sitting　down　
to　an　unpleasant　meal　under　a　very　bright　light。　Should　
he　put　in　force　the　threat　which；　two　weeks　ago；　some　
such　gathering　had　wrung　from　him—the　terrible　threat　
that　if　visitors　came　on　Sunday　he　should　dine　alone　in　
his　room？　A　glance　in　the　direction　of　Miss　Hilbery　determined　
him　to　make　his　stand　this　very　night；　and　accordingly；　
having　let　himself　in；　having　verified　the　presence　
of　Uncle　Joseph　by　means　of　a　bowler　hat　and　a　very　
large　umbrella；　he　gave　his　orders　to　the　maid；　and　went　
upstairs　to　his　room。　
He　went　up　a　great　many　flights　of　stairs；　and　he　noticed；　
as　he　had　very　seldom　noticed；　how　the　carpet　
became　steadily　shabbier；　until　it　ceased　altogether；　how　
17　
Night　and　Day　
the　walls　were　discolored；　sometimes　by　cascades　of　damp；　
and　sometimes　by　the　outlines　of　pictureframes　since　
removed；　how　the　paper　flapped　loose　at　the　corners；　
and　a　great　flake　of　plaster　had　fallen　from　the　ceiling。　
The　room　itself　was　a　cheerless　one　to　return　to　at　this　
inauspicious　hour。　A　flattened　sofa　would；　later　in　the　
evening；　bee　a　bed；　one　of　the　tables　concealed　a　
washing　apparatus；　his　clothes　and　boots　were　disagreeably　
mixed　with　books　which　bore　the　gilt　of　college　arms；　
and；　for　decoration；　there　hung　upon　the　wall　photographs　
of　bridges　and　cathedrals　and　large；　unprepossessing　
groups　of　insufficiently　clothed　young　men；　sitting　
in　rows　one　above　another　upon　stone　steps。　There　
was　a　look　of　meanness　and　shabbiness　in　the　furniture　
and　curtains；　and　nowhere　any　sign　of　luxury　or　even　of　a　
cultivated　taste；　unless　the　cheap　classics　in　the　bookcase　
were　a　sign　of　an　effort　in　that　direction。　The　only　
object　that　threw　any　light　upon　the　character　of　the　
room’s　owner　was　a　large　perch；　placed　in　the　window　to　
catch　the　air　and　sun；　upon　which　a　tame　and；　apparently；　
decrepit　rook　hopped　dryly　from　side　to　side。　The　
bird；　encouraged　by　a　scratch　behind　the　ear；　settled　upon　
Denham’s　shoulder。　He　lit　his　gasfire　and　settled　down　
in　gloomy　patience　to　await　his　dinner。　After　sitting　thus　
for　some　minutes　a　small　g