《4 breaking dawn破晓》第148章

Emmett　was　more　than　willing　to　help；　though　his　teaching　felt　to　me　a　lot　like　revenge　for　all　the　lost　
armwrestling　matches。　If　I　could　still　bruise；　I　would　have　been　purple　from　head　to　toe。　Rose；　Tanya；　
and　Eleazar　all　were　patient　and　supportive。　Their　lessons　reminded　me　of　Jasper"s　fighting　instructions　to　
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the　others　last　June；　though　those　memories　were　fuzzy　and　indistinct。　Some　of　the　visitors　found　my　
education　entertaining；　and　some　even　offered　assistance。　The　nomad　Garrett　took　a　few　turns—he　was　
a　surprisingly　good　teacher；　he　interacted　so　easily　with　others　in　general　that　I　wondered　how　he"d　never　
found　a　coven。　I　even　fought　once　with　Zafrina　while　Renesmee　watched　from　Jacob"s　arms。　I　learned　
several　tricks；　but　I　never　asked　for　her　help　again。　In　truth；　though　I　liked　Zafrina　very　much　and　I　knew　
she　wouldn"t　really　hurt　me；　the　wild　woman　scared　me　to　death。　
I　learned　many　things　from　my　teachers；　but　I　had　the　sense　that　my　knowledge　was　still　impossibly　
basic。　I　had　no　idea　how　many　seconds　I　would　last　against　Alec　and　Jane。　I　only　prayed　that　it　would　be　
long　enough　to　help。　
Every　minute　of　the　day　that　I　wasn"t　with　Renesmee　or　learning　to　fight；　I　was　in　the　backyard　working　
with　Kate；　trying　to　push　my　internal　shield　outside　of　my　own　brain　to　protect　someone　else。　Edward　
encouraged　me　in　this　training。　I　knew　he　hoped　I　would　find　a　way　of　contributing　that　satisfied　me　while　
also　keeping　me　out　of　the　line　of　fire。　
It　was　just　so　hard。　There　was　nothing　to　get　a　hold　of；　nothing　solid　to　work　with。　I　had　only　my　raging　
desire　to　be　of　use；　to　be　able　to　keep　Edward；　Renesmee；　and　as　much　of　my　family　as　possible　safe　
with　me。　Over　and　over　I　tried　to　force　the　nebulous　shield　outside　of　myself；　with　only　faint；　sporadic　
success。　It　felt　like　I　was　wrestling　to　stretch　an　invisible　rubber　band—a　band　that　would　change　from　
concrete　tangibility　into　insubstantial　smoke　at　any　random　moment。　
Only　Edward　was　willing　to　be　our　guinea　pig—to　receive　shock　after　shock　from　Kate　while　I　grappled　
inpetently　with　the　insides　of　my　head。　We　worked　for　hours　at　a　time；　and　I　felt　like　I　should　be　
covered　in　sweat　from　the　exertion；　but　of　course　my　perfect　body　didn"t　betray　me　that　way。　My　
weariness　was　all　mental。　
It　killed　me　that　it　was　Edward　who　had　to　suffer；　my　arms　wrapped　uselessly　around　him　while　he　
winced　over　and　over　from　Kate"s　low〃　setting。　I　tried　as　hard　as　I　could　to　push　my　shield　around　us　
both；　every　now　and　then　I　would　get　it；　and　then　it　would　slip　away　again。　
I　hated　this　practice；　and　I　wished　that　Zafrina　would　help　instead　of　Kate。　Then　all　Edward　would　have　
to　do　was　look　at　Zafrina"s　illusions　until　I　could　stop　him　from　seeing　them。　But　Kate　insisted　that　I　
needed　better　motivation—by　which　she　meant　my　hatred　of　watching　Edward"s　pain。　I　was　beginning　to　
doubt　her　assertion　from　the　first　day　we"d　met—that　she　wasn"t　sadistic　about　the　use　of　her　gift。　She　
seemed　to　be　enjoying　herself　to　me。　
〃Hey；〃　Edward　said　cheerfully；　trying　to　hide　any　evidence　of　distress　in　his　voice。　Anything　to　keep　me　
from　fighting　practice。　〃That　one　barely　stung。　Good　job；　Bella。〃　
I　took　a　deep　breath；　trying　to　grasp　exactly　what　I"d　done　right；　i　tested　the　elastic　band；　struggling　to　
force　it　to　remain　solid　as　I　stretched　it　away　from　me。　
〃Again；　Kate；〃　I　grunted　through　my　clenched　teeth。　
Kate　pressed　her　palm　to　Edward"s　shoulder。　
He　sighed　in　relief。　〃Nothing　that　time。〃　
She　raised　an　eyebrow。　〃That　wasn"t　low；　either。〃　
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〃Good；〃　I　huffed。　
〃Get　ready；〃　she　told　me；　and　reached　out　to　Edward　again。　
This　time　he　shuddered；　and　a　low　breath　hissed　between　his　teeth。　
〃Sorry！　Sorry！　Sorry！〃　I　chanted；　biting　my　lip。　Why　couldn"t　I　get　this　right？　
〃You"re　doing　an　amazing　job；　Bella；〃　Edward　said；　pulling　me　tight　against　him。　〃You"ve　really　only　been　
working　at　this　for　a　few　days　and　you"re　already　projecting　sporadically。　Kate；　tell　her　how　well　she"s　
doing。〃　
Kate　pursed　her　lips。　〃I　don"t　know。　She"s　obviously　got　tremendous　ability；　and　we"re　only　beginning　to　
touch　it。　She　can　do　better；　I"m　sure。　She"s　just　lacking　incentive。〃　
I　stared　at　her　in　disbelief；　my　lips　automatically　curling　back　from　my　teeth。　How　could　she　think　I　
lacked　motivation　with　her　shocking　Edward　right　here　in　front　of　me？　
I　heard　murmurs　from　the　audience　that　had　grown　steadily　as　I　practiced—only　Eleazar；　Carmen；　and　
Tanya　at　first；　but　then　Garrett　had　wandered　over；　then　Benjamin　and　Tia；　Siobhan　and　Maggie；　and　
now　even　Alistair　was　peering　down　from　a　window　on　the　third　story。　The　spectators　agreed　with　
Edward；　they　thought　I　was　already　doing　well。　
〃Kate。。。；〃　Edward　said　in　a　warning　voice　as　some　new　course　of　action　occurred　to　her；　but　she　was　
already　in　motion。　She　darted　along　the　curve　of　the　river　to　where　Zafrina；　Senna；　and　Renesmee　were　
walking　slowly；　Renesmee"s　hand　in　Zafrina"s　as　they　traded　pictures　back　and　forth。　Jacob　shadowed　
them　from　a　few　feet　behind。　
〃Nessie；〃　Kate　said—the　newers　had　quickly　picked　up　the　irritating　nickname；　〃would　you　like　to　
e　help　your　mother？〃　
〃No；〃　I　halfsnarled。　
Edward　hugged　me　reassuringly。　I　shook　him　off　just　as　Renesmee　flitted　across　the　yard　to　me；　with　
Kate；　Zafrina；　and　Senna　right　behind　her。　
〃Absolutely　not；　Kate；〃　I　hissed。　
Renesmee　reached　for　me；　and　I　opened　my　arms　automatically。　She　curled　into　me；　pressing　her　head　
into　the　hollow　beneath　my　shoulder。　
〃But　Momma；　I　want　to　help；〃　she　said　in　a　determined　voice。　Her　hand　rested　against　my　neck；　
reinforcing　her　desire　with　images　of　the　two　of　us　together；　a　team。　
〃No；〃　I　said；　quickly　backing　away。　Kate　had　taken　a　deliberate　step　in　my　direction；　her　hand　stretched　
toward　us。　
〃Stay　away　from　us；　Kate；〃　I　warned　her。　
〃No。〃　She　began　stalking　forward。　She　smiled　like　a　hunter　cornering