plain that you is dumb or stupid like coaches do— they is more interested in your private parts or bowel movements； an so always precede they yellin with somethin like 〃dickhead〃 or 〃asshole。〃 sometimes i wonder if curtis had been in the army before he went to play football。 anyhow； after about a hundrit hours on the bus we get to fort benning； georgia； an all i'；m thinkin is 35 to 3； the score when we whupped them georgia dogs。 the conditions in the barracks is actually a little better than they was in the ape dorm； but the food is not— it is terrible； altho there is a lot of it。 other than that； it was just doin what they tole us an gettin yelled at in the months to e。 they taught us to shoot guns； thow hand grenades an crawl aroun on our bellies。 when we wadn'；t doin that we was either runnin someplace or cleanin toilets an things。 the one thing i remember from fort benning is that they didn'；t seem to be nobody much smarter than i was； which was certainly a relief。 not too long after i arrive； i get put on kp； on account of i have accidentally shot a hole in the water tower when we was down at the rifle range。 when i get to the kitchen； it seems the cook is took sick or somethin； an somebody point to me an say； 〃gump； you is gonna be the cook today。〃 〃what i'；m gonna cook？〃 i axed。 〃i ain'；t never cooked before。〃 〃who cares；〃 somebody say。 〃this ain'；t the sans souci； y'；know。〃 〃why don'；t you make a stew？〃 somebody else say。 〃it'；s easier。〃 〃what of？〃 i axed。 〃look in the icebox an the pantry；〃 the feller say。 〃just thow in everthin you see an boil it up。〃 〃what if it don'；t taste good？〃 i axed。 〃who gives a shit。 you ever eat anythin around here that did？〃 in this； he is correct。 well； i menced to get everthin i could from the iceboxes an the pantry。 they was cans of tomatos an beans an peaches an bacon an rice an bags of flour an sacks of potatoes an i don'；t know what all else。 i gathered it all together an say to one of the guys； 〃what i'；m gonna cook it in？〃 〃they is some pots in the closet；〃 he say； but when i looked in the closet； they is jus small pots； an certainly not large enough to cook a stew for two hundrit men in the pany。 〃why don'；t you axe the lieutenant？〃 somebody say。 〃he'；s out in the field on maneuvers；〃 e the reply。 〃i don'；t know；〃 say one feller； 〃but when them guys get back here today； they gonna be damn hungry； so you better think of somethin。〃 〃what about this？〃 i axed。 they was an enormous iron thing bout six feet high an five feet aroun settin in the corner。 〃that？ that'；s the goddamn steam boiler。 you can'；t cook nothin in there。〃 〃how e；〃 i say。 〃well； i dunno。 i jus wouldn do it if i was you。〃 〃it'；s hot。 it'；s got water in it；〃 i says。 〃do what you want；〃 somebody say； 〃we got other shit to do。〃 an so i used the steam boiler。 i opened all the cans an peeled all the potatoes an thowed in whatever meat i could find an onions an carrots an poured in ten or twenty bottles of catsup an mustard an all。 after bout a hour； you could begin to smell the stew cookin。 〃how'；s the dinner in？〃 somebody axed after a wile。 〃i'；ll go taste it；〃 i say。 i unfastened the lid to the boiler an there it was； you could see all the shit bubblin an boilin up； an ever so often a onion or a potato woud e to the top an float aroun。 〃let me taste it；〃 a feller axed。 he took a tin cup an dip out some stew。 〃say； this shit ain'；t near done yet；〃 he says。 〃you better turn up the heat。 them fellers'；ll be here any minute。〃 so i turned up the heat on the boiler an sure enough； the pany begun in in from the field。 you could hear them in the barracks takin showers an gettin dressed for the evenin meal； an it weren'；t long afterward that they begun arrivin in the mess hall。 but the stew still wadnt ready。 i tasted it again an some things was still raw。 out in the mess hall they begun a kind of disgruntled mumblin that soon turned to chantin an so i turned the boiler up again。 after a haf hour or so； they was beatin on the tables with they knives an forks like in a prison riot； an i knowed i had to do somethin fast； so i turned the boiler up high as it could go。 i'；m settin there watchin it； so nervous i didn'；t know what to do； when all of a sudden the first sergeant e bustin thru the door。 〃what in hell is goin on here？〃 he axed。 〃where is these men'；s food？〃 〃it is almost ready； sergeant；〃 i say； an jus about then； the boiler menced to rumble an shake。 steam begun to e out of the sides an one of the legs on the boiler tore loose from the floor。 〃what is that？〃 the sergeant axed。 〃is you cookin somethin in that boiler！〃 〃that is the supper；〃 i says； an the sergeant got this real amazed look on his face； an a secont later； he got a real frightened look； like you might get jus before an automobile wreck； an then the boiler blew up。 i am not exactly sure what happened nex。 i do remember that it blowed the roof off the mess hall an blowed all the winders out an the doors too。 it blowed the dishwasher guy right thru a wall； an the guy what was stackin plates jus took off up in the air； sort of like rocket man。 sergeant an me； we is miraculously spared somehow； like they say will happen when you are so close to a han grenade that you aren'；t hurt by it。 but somehow it blowed both our clothes off； cept for the big chef'；s hat i was wearin at the time。 an it blowed stew all over us； so'；s we looked like— well； i don'；t know what we looked like— but man； it was strange。 incredibly； it didn'；t do nothin to all them guys settin out there in the mess hall neither。 jus lef em settin at they tables； covered with stew； actin kinda shell…shocked or somethin— but it sure did shut their asses up about when they food is gonn