《道林格雷的画像》第50章

night。　the　lamp　cast　fantastic　shadows　on　the　wall　and　staircase。　a　rising　wind　made　some　of　the　windows　rattle。
when　they　reached　the　top　landing；　dorian　set　the　lamp　down　on　the　floor；　and　taking　out　the　key；　turned　it　in　the　lock。　〃you　insist　on　knowing；　basil？〃　he　asked　in　a　low　voice。
〃yes。〃
〃i　am　delighted；〃　he　answered；　smiling。　then　he　added；　somewhat　harshly；　〃you　are　the　one　man　in　the　world　who　is　entitled　to　know　everything　about　me。　you　have　had　more　to　do　with　my　life　than　you　think〃；　and；　taking　up　the　lamp；　he　opened　the　door　and　went　in。　a　cold　current　of　air　passed　them；　and　the　light　shot　up　for　a　moment　in　a　flame　of　murky　orange。　he　shuddered。　〃shut　the　door　behind　you；〃　he　whispered；　as　he　placed　the　lamp　on　the　table。
hallward　glanced　round　him　with　a　puzzled　expression。　the　room　looked　as　if　it　had　not　been　lived　in　for　years。　a　faded　flemish　tapestry；　a　curtained　picture；　an　old　italian　cassone；　and　an　almost　empty　book…case……that　was　all　that　it　seemed　to　contain；　besides　a　chair　and　a　table。　as　dorian　gray　was　lighting　a　half…burned　candle　that　was　standing　on　the　mantelshelf；　he　saw　that　the　whole　place　was　covered　with　dust　and　that　the　carpet　was　in　holes。　a　mouse　ran　scuffling　behind　the　wainscoting。　there　was　a　damp　odour　of　mildew。
〃so　you　think　that　it　is　only　god　who　sees　the　soul；　basil？　draw　that　curtain　back；　and　you　will　see　mine。〃
the　voice　that　spoke　was　cold　and　cruel。　〃you　are　mad；　dorian；　or　playing　a　part；〃　muttered　hallward；　frowning。
〃you　wont？　then　i　must　do　it　myself；〃　said　the　young　man；　and　he　tore　the　curtain　from　its　rod　and　flung　it　on　the　ground。
an　exclamation　of　horror　broke　from　the　painters　lips　as　he　saw　in　the　dim　light　the　hideous　face　on　the　canvas　grinning　at　him。　there　was　something　in　its　expression　that　filled　him　with　disgust　and　loathing。　good　heavens！　it　was　dorian　grays　own　face　that　he　was　looking　at！　the　horror；　whatever　it　was；　had　not　yet　entirely　spoiled　that　marvellous　beauty。　there　was　still　some　gold　in　the　thinning　hair　and　some　scarlet　on　the　sensual　mouth。　the　sodden　eyes　had　kept　something　of　the　loveliness　of　their　blue；　the　noble　curves　had　not　yet　pletely　passed　away　from　chiselled　nostrils　and　from　plastic　throat。　yes；　it　was　dorian　himself。　but　who　had　done　it？　he　seemed　to　recognize　his　own　brushwork；　and　the　frame　was　his　own　design。　the　idea　was　monstrous；　yet　he　felt　afraid。　he　seized　the　lighted　candle；　and　held　it　to　the　picture。　in　the　left…hand　corner　was　his　own　name；　traced　in　long　letters　of　bright　vermilion。
it　was　some　foul　parody；　some　infamous　ignoble　satire。　he　had　never　done　that。　still；　it　was　his　own　picture。　he　knew　it；　and　he　felt　as　if　his　blood　had　changed　in　a　moment　from　fire　to　sluggish　ice。　his　own　picture！　what　did　it　mean？　why　had　it　altered？　he　turned　and　looked　at　dorian　gray　with　the　eyes　of　a　sick　man。　his　mouth　twitched；　and　his　parched　tongue　seemed　unable　to　articulate。　he　passed　his　hand　across　his　forehead。　it　was　dank　with　clammy　sweat。
the　young　man　was　leaning　against　the　mantelshelf；　watching　him　with　that　strange　expression　that　one　sees　on　the　faces　of　those　who　are　absorbed　in　a　play　when　some　great　artist　is　acting。　there　was　neither　real　sorrow　in　it　nor　real　joy。　there　was　simply　the　passion　of　the　spectator；　with　perhaps　a　flicker　of　triumph　in　his　eyes。　he　had　taken　the　flower　out　of　his　coat；　and　was　smelling　it；　or　pretending　to　do　so。
〃what　does　this　mean？〃　cried　hallward；　at　last。　his　own　voice　sounded　shrill　and　curious　in　his　ears。
〃years　ago；　when　i　was　a　boy；〃　said　dorian　gray；　crushing　the　flower　in　his　hand；　〃you　met　me；　flattered　me；　and　taught　me　to　be　vain　of　my　good　looks。　one　day　you　introduced　me　to　a　friend　of　yours；　who　explained　to　me　the　wonder　of　youth；　and　you　finished　a　portrait　of　me　that　revealed　to　me　the　wonder　of　beauty。　in　a　mad　moment　that；　even　now；　i　dont　know　whether　i　regret　or　not；　i　made　a　wish；　perhaps　you　would　call　it　a　prayer。　。　。　。〃
〃i　remember　it！　oh；　how　well　i　remember　it！　no！　the　thing　is　impossible。　the　room　is　damp。　mildew　has　got　into　the　canvas。　the　paints　i　used　had　some　wretched　mineral　poison　in　them。　i　tell　you　the　thing　is　impossible。〃
〃ah；　what　is　impossible？〃　murmured　the　young　man；　going　over　to　the　window　and　leaning　his　forehead　against　the　cold；　mist…stained　glass。
〃you　told　me　you　had　destroyed　it。〃
〃i　was　wrong。　it　has　destroyed　me。〃
〃i　dont　believe　it　is　my　picture。〃
〃cant　you　see　your　ideal　in　it？〃　said　dorian　bitterly。
〃my　ideal；　as　you　call　it。　。　。〃
〃as　you　called　it。〃
〃there　was　nothing　evil　in　it；　nothing　shameful。　you　were　to　me　such　an　ideal　as　i　shall　never　meet　again。　this　is　the　face　of　a　satyr。〃
〃it　is　the　face　of　my　soul。〃
〃christ！　what　a　thing　i　must　have　worshipped！　it　has　the　eyes　of　a　devil。〃
〃each　of　us　has　heaven　and　hell　in　him；　basil；〃　cried　dorian　with　a　wild　gesture　of　despair。
hallward　turned　again　to　the　portrait　and　gazed　at　it。　〃my　god！　if　it　is　true；〃　he　exclaimed；　〃and　this　is　what　you　have　done　with　your　life；　why；　you　must　be　worse　even　than　those　who　talk　against　you　fancy　you　to　be！〃　he　held　the　light　up　again　to　the　canvas　and　examined　it。　the　surface　seemed　to　be　quite　undisturbed　and　as　he　had　left　it。　it　was　from　within；　apparently；　that　the　foulness　and　horror　had　e。　through　some　strange　quickening　of　inner　life　the　leprosies　of　sin　were　slowly　eating　the　thing　away。　the　rotting　of　a　corpse　in　a　watery　grave　was　not　so　fearful。
his　hand　shook；　and　the　candle　fell　from　its　socket　on　the　floor　and　lay　there　sputtering。　he　placed　his　foot　on　it　and　put　it　out。　then　he　flung　himself　into　the　rickety　chair　that　was　standing　by　the　table　and　buried　his　face　in　his　hands。
〃good　god；　dorian；　what　a　lesson！　what　an　awful　lesson！〃　there　was　no　answer；　but　he　could　hear　the　young　man　sobbing　at　the　window。　〃pray；　dorian；　pray；〃　he　murmured。　〃what　is　it　that　one　was　taught　to　say　in　ones　boyhood？　lead　us　not　into　temptation。　forgive　us　our　sins。　wash　away　our　iniquities。　let　us　say　that　together。　the　prayer　of　your　pride　has　been　answered。　the　prayer　of　your　repentance　will　be　answered　also。　i　worshipped　you　too　much。　i　am　p