There was a shop； which I understood to be a coffeehouse； at the end of this narrow street we were passing down。 Perhaps the swordfight stopped as soon as it’d begun。 Crowds of men were hooting as they entered and left； at first I thought they were looting； but no； they were destroying the coffeehouse。 They carefully took out all of the ceramic cups； brass pots； glasses and low tables under the light of the torches of the onlookers and destroyed them all as a warning。 They roughed up a man who tried to stop them； but he was able to get away。 Originally； I thought their target was only coffee； as they themselves claimed。 They were condemning its ill effects； how it harmed the sight and the 379 stomach； how it dulled the intellect and caused men to lose their faith； how it was the poison of the Franks and how Exalted Muhammad had turned down coffee even though it was offered to him by a beautiful woman—Satan in disguise。 It was as if this were the theatrics for a night of instruction in moral etiquette； and if I finally made it home； I thought I might even scold Nesim； warning him not to drink too much of that poison。 Since there ing houses and cheap inns nearby； a curious crowd formed in no time； made up of idle wanderers； homeless men and no…good mongrels who’d snuck illegally into the city； and they emboldened these enemies of coffee。 It was then I understood that these men were the henchmen of Preacher Nusret Hoja of Erzurum。 They intended to clean up all the dens of wine； prostitution and coffee in Istanbul and punish severely those who veered from the path of Exalted Muhammad； those who； for example； used dervish ceremonies as an excuse for belly…dancing to music。 They railed against the enemies of religion； men who collaborated with the Devil； pagans； unbelievers and illustrators。 I suddenly recalled this was the coffeehouse on whose walls drawings were hung； where religion and the hoja from Erzurum were maligned and where disrespect knew no bounds。 A coffee maker’s apprentice； his face spattered with blood； emerged from inside； and I thought he might collapse； but he wiped the blood from his forehead and cheeks with the cuff of his shirt； melded in with our group and began to watch the raid。 The crowd pulled back a little out of fear。 I noticed Black recognize somebody and hesitate。 By the way the Erzurumis began to collect together； I knew that the Janissaries or some other band armed with clubs was on its way。 The torches were extinguished and the crowd became a confused mob。 Black grabbed me by the arm and had the theology student take me away。 “Go by way of the backstreets；” he said。 “He’ll see you to your house。” The student wanted to slip away as soon as possible and we were almost running as we departed。 My thoughts were with Black； but if Esther’s taken out of the scene； she can’t possibly continue with the story； can she now？ 380 I AM A WOMAN I can hear your objections already： “My dear Storyteller Effendi； you might be able to imitate anyone or anything； but never a woman！” Yet I beg to differ。 True； I’ve wandered from city to city； imitating everything into the wee hours of the night at weddings； festivals and coffeehouses until my voice gave out； and thus it was never my lot to marry； but this doesn’t mean I’m unacquainted with womenfolk。 I know women quite well； in fact； I’ve known four personally； seen their faces and spoken with them： 1。 my mother； may she rest in eternal peace； 2。 my beloved aunt； 3。 the wife of my brother （he always beat me）； who said “Get out！” on one of those rare occasions when I saw her—she was the first woman I fell in love with； and 4。 a lady I saw suddenly at an open window in Konya during my travels。 Despite never having spoken with her； I’ve nursed feelings of lust toward her for years and still do。 Perhaps； by now； she’s passed away。 Seeing a woman’s bare face； speaking to her； and witnessing her humanity opens the way to both pangs of lust and deep spiritual pain in us men； and thus the best of all alternatives is not to lay eyes on women； especially pretty women； without first being lawfully wed； as our noble faith dictates。 The sole remedy for carnal desires is to seek out the friendship of beautiful boys； a satisfactory surrogate for females； and in due time； this； too； bees a sweet habit。 In the cities of the European Franks； women roam about exposing not only their faces； but also their brightly shining hair （after their necks； their most attractive feature）； their arms； their beautiful throats； and even； if what I’ve heard is true； a portion of their gorgeous legs； as a result； the men of those cities walk about with great difficulty； embarrassed and in extreme pain； because； you see； their front sides are always erect and this fact naturally leads to the paralysis of their society。 Undoubtedly； this is why each day the Frank infidel surrenders another fortress to us Ottomans。 After realizing； while still a youth； that the best recipe for my spiritual happiness and contentment was to live far from beautiful women； I grew increasingly curious about these creatures。 At that time； since I hadn’t seen any women besides my mother and my aunt； my curiosity assumed a mystical quality； my head seemed to tingle； and I knew that I could only learn how women felt if I did what they did； ate what they ate； said what they said； imitated their behavior and； yes； only if I wore their clothes。 Therefore； one Friday； when my mother； father； older brother and aunt went to my 381 grandfather’s rose garden on the shores of the Fahreng； I told them I was feeling ill and stayed at home。 “e along。 Look； you’ll entertain us by mimicking the dogs； trees