《高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain》go tell it on the mountain-第12章

e　was　saying　it　to　him　especially；　she　was　trying　to　help　himbecause　she　knew　he　was　in　trouble。　And　this　trouble　was　also　her　own；　which　she　would　never　tellto　John。　And　even　though　he　was　certain　that　they　could　not　be　speaking　of　the　same　things—forthen；　surely；　she　would　be　angry　and　no　longer　proud　of　him—this　perception　on　her　part　and　hisavowal　of　her　love　for　him　lent　to　John’s　bewilderment　a　reality　that　terrified　and　a　dignity　thatconsoled　him。　Dimly；　he　felt　that　he　ought　to　console　her；　and　he　listened；　astounded；　at　the　wordsthat　now　fell　from　his　lips：
‘Yes；　Mama。　I’m　going　to　try　to　love　the　Lord。’
At　this　there　sprang　into　his　mother’s　face　something　startling；　beautiful；　unspeakably　sad—as　though　she　were　looking　far　beyond　him　at　a　long；　dark　road；　and　seeing　on　that　road　atraveler　in　perpetual　danger。　Was　it　he；　the　traveler？　or　herself？　or　was　she　thinking　of　the　cross　ofJesus？　She　turned　back　to　the　wash…tub；　still　with　this　strange　sadness　on　her　face。
‘You　better　go　on　now；’　she　said；　before　your　daddy　gets　home。’
In　Central　Park　the　snow　had　not　yet　melted　on　his　favorite　hill。　This　hill　was　in　the　center　of　thepark；　after　he　had　left　the　circ　le　of　the　reservoir；　where　he　always　found；　outside　the　high　wall　ofcrossed　wire；　ladies；　white；　in　fur　coats；　walking　their　great　dogs；　or　old；　white　gentlemen　withcanes。　At　a　point　that　he　knew　by　instinct　and　by　the　shape　of　the　buildings　surrounding　the　park；he　struck　out　on　a　steep　path　overgrown　with　trees；　and　climbed　a　short　distance　until　he　reachedthe　clearing　that　led　to　the　hill。　Before　him；　then；　the　slope　stretched　upward；　and　above　it　thebrilliant　sky；　and　beyond　it；　cloudy；　and　far　away；　he　saw　the　skyline　of　New　York。　He　did　notknow　why；　but　there　arose　in　him　an　exultation　and　a　sense　of　power；　and　he　ran　up　the　hill　like　anengine；　or　a　madman；　willing　to　throw　himself　headlong　into　the　city　that　glowed　before　him。
But　when　he　reached　the　summit　he　paused；　he　stood　on　the　crest　of　the　hill；　hands　claspedbeneath　his　chin；　looking　down。　Then　he；　John；　felt　like　a　giant　who　might　crumble　this　city　withhis　anger；　he　felt　like　a　tyrant　who　might　crush　this　city　beneath　his　heel；　he　felt　like　a　long…awaited　conqueror　at　whose　feet　flowers　would　be　strewn；　and　before　whom　multitudes　cried；Hosanna！　He　would　be；　of　all；　the　mightiest；　the　most　beloved；　the　Lord’s　anointed；　and　he　wouldlive　in　this　shining　city　which　his　ancestors　had　seen　with　longing　from　far　away。　For　it　was　his；the　inhabitants　of　the　city　had　told　him　it　was　his；　he　had　but　to　run　down；　crying；　and　they　wouldtake　him　to　their　hearts　and　shoe　him　wonders　his　eyes　had　never　seen。
And　still；　on　the　summit　of　that　hill　he　paused。　He　remembered　the　people　he　had　seen　inthat　city；　whose　eyes　held　no　love　for　him。　And　he　thought　of　their　feet　so　swift　and　brutal；　and　thedark　gray　clothes　they　wore；　and　how　when　they　passed　they　did　not　see　him；　or；　if　they　saw　him；they　smirked。　And　how　the　lights；　unceasing；　crashed　on　and　off　above　him；　and　how　he　was　astranger　there。　Then　he　remembered　his　father　and　his　mother；　and　all　the　arms　stretched　out　tohold　him　back；　to　save　him　from　this　city　where；　they　said；　his　soul　would　find　perdition。
And　certainly　perdition　sucked　at　the　feet　of　the　people　who　walked　there；　and　cried　in　thelights；　in　the　gigantic　towers；　the　marks　of　Satan　could　be　found　in　the　faces　of　the　people　whowaited　at　the　doors　of　movie　houses；　his　words　were　printed　on　the　great　movie　posters　that　invitedpeople　to　sin。　It　was　the　roar　of　the　damned　that　filled　Broadway；　where　motor…cars　and　buses　andthe　hurrying　people　disputed　every　inch　with　death。　Broadway：　the　way　that　led　to　death　wasbroad；　and　many　could　be　found　thereon；　but　narrow　was　the　way　that　led　to　life　eternal；　and　fewthere　were　who　found　it。　But　he　did　not　long　for　the　narrow　way；　where　all　his　people　walked；where　the　houses　did　not　rise；　piercing；　as　it　seemed；　the　unchanging　clouds；　but　huddled；　flat；ignoble；　close　to　the　filthy　ground；　where　the　streets　and　the　hallways　and　the　rooms　were　dark；and　where　the　unconquerable　odor　was　of　dust；　and　sweat；　and　urine；　and　home…made　gin。　In　thenarrow　way；　the　way　of　the　cross；　there　awaited　him　only　humiliation　for　ever；　there　awaited　him；one　day；　a　house　like　his　father’s　house；　and　a　church　like　his　father’s；　and　a　job　like　his　father’s；where　he　would　grow　old　and　black　with　hunger　and　toil。　The　way　of　the　cross　had　given　him　abelly　filled　with　wind　and　had　bent　his　mother’s　back；　they　had　never　worn　fine　clothes；　but　here；where　the　buildings　contested　God’s　power　and　where　the　men　and　women　did　not　fear　God；　herehe　might　eat　and　drink　to　his　heart’s　content　and　clothe　his　body　with　wondrous　fabrics；　rich　to　theeye　and　pleasing　to　the　touch。　And　then　what　of　his　soul；　which　would　one　day　e　to　die　andstand　naked　before　the　judgment　bar？　What　would　his　conquest　of　the　city　profit　him　on　that　day？
To　hurl　away；　for　a　moment　of　ease；　the　glories　of　eternity！
These　glories　were　unimaginable—but　the　city　was　real。　He　stood　for　a　moment　on　themelting　snow；　distracted；　and　then　began　to　run　down　the　hill；　feeling　himself　fly　as　the　descentbecame　more　rapid；　and　thinking：　‘I　can　climb　back　up。　If　it’s　wrong；　I　can　always　climb　back　up。’
At　the　bottom　of　the　hill；　where　the　ground　abruptly　leveled　off　on　to　a　gravel　path；　he　nearlyknocked　down　an　old　white　man　with　a　white　beard；　who　was　walking　very　slowly　and　leaning　onhis　cane。　They　both　stopped；　astonished；　and　looked　at　one　another。　John　struggled　to　catch　hisbreath　and　apologize；　but　old　man　smiled。　John　smiled　back。　It　was　as　though　he　and　the　old　manhad　between　them　a　great　secret；　and　the　old　man　moved　on。　The　snow　glittered　in　patches　all　overthe　park。　Ice；　under　the　pale；　strong　sun；　melted　slowly　on　the　branches　and　trunks　of　trees。
He　came　out　of　the　park　at　Fifth　Avenue　where；　as　always；　the　old…fashioned　horse…carriages　were　lined　along　the　kerb；　their　drivers　sitting　on　the　high　seats　with　rugs　around　theirknees；　or　standing　in　twos　and　threes　near　the　horses；　stamping　their　feet　and　smoking　pipes　andtalking。　I　summer　he　had　seen　peopl